010111

It's 2011, wow....if you know me personally, and have known me for a while, you will know that I have never been as happy as I am right now, as far as my adult life. I have had good partners, bad ones, and horrid ones. But Cory, well he is like no other. The top photo was last night, our third new years eve together. The one below that was last year, our first as a couple. The very first time we spent New Years together, we were just best friends. I was living with my friend Sandra, just freshly separated from my ex, raw, and depressed. Cory had broken up with his ex, but was still living in her home in the guest room because he was waiting to move to his friend Randy's place. It was a pretty weird time for both of us to say the least. I picked him up and we went to a trashy little bar down the road from his place. After being there for all of 10 minutes, they closed. It was also the last night you could smoke in any bars in Oregon, we were hellbent on smoking our brains out in public, so we drove to this other place where we liked to play pool in NE Portland. After hanging out there for a few hours and a couple games of pool we hoped back into my car. We rung in 2009 driving in my car back to his house. It was not the most epic night, but I was glad we were hanging out because he was my best friend and wasn't putting pressure on me to pretend that I was happy like a lot of other friends were. After I dropped him off I went and picked up my ex and a few friends who were to drunk to drive, I had offered to do so since I knew I was going to be sober. Unfortunately when I arrived, my ex was pissed that I wasn't there by midnight to ring in 2009 with all of them....it kinda sucked. Soooo you don't want to be my partner anymore, but you want me to be where you are when midnight hits even though you know I had plans already? Such was my break up....

Last NYE was obviously better on the romance tip, but sadly it was also right after my father had died. I can not tell you how much better it was by the shear fact that I was with Cory. I was still emotionally screwed up by my divorce, and then devastated by loosing my dad. Cory didn't miss a beat though. He knew that I had no interest in going out, being with a bunch of drunk folks in a crowded club or bar, nor did I really want to fake anything. We just hung out listening to music, talking, playing Yahtzee, and of course chain smoking out in the freezing cold because we were both still smokers. Gross as it sounds, it was the best night ever. That photo makes me smile when I see it, because I remember how calm I felt in his arms. I think we said we were going to quit smoking that night, but didn't really until a month or so later.

This NYE we intended on going to the NARA pow wow that I usually attend...but since I was so damn tired, I napped through it, whoops. My body is still adjusting to my new work schedule and waking up at 5am. So no fry bread for me until June when we go to the Father's Day pow wow at Delta Park! We still are waiting on our new sofa, so we spend most of our lounging time in our way-to-comfy bed. We watched a few episodes of CSI Vegas, I worked on some craft projects, he worked on recording music that he is making and a mix cd for our friend Molly in LA, and we talked. We do that a lot. Talk. Something I have not done with a partner in along time. Cory is a bigger talker than me which I find hard to believe sometimes! We talked about baby stuff, buying a house, vacation to LA and what we want to achieve in 2011. It was nice and boring and drama/stress free. I find that that is something I make happen a lot more in my life, it's nice.






This morning we woke up and I made us Nutella and banana pancakes, some veggie sausage, and a pickle....sounds sick, but oh so tasty. While drinking my coffee I thought more about what I wanted out of 2011, peoples recent obsession with "manifesting", witchcraft, and also my anger. I really don't want to be angry anymore. I mean that I don't want to read things or hear crap and get annoyed anymore. I don't want to be cynical about people I honestly don't care about, nor do I want to feel that twinge of annoyance that I used to feel when people would pretend that they had always been punks when they just heard Crass for the first time. I kind of want to let go of all that, I mean for Christ sake I am 39, why do I sometimes let things like that piss me off? Why do I care that being a "Witch" is uber cool now, like how a few years back, rocking feathers in your hair was a "trend"? If people want to jump on a band wagon to hipster-ville, fine. It is not my place anymore to call out poseurs. I gave that up in the '80s, and honestly if I kept letting it get to me, I would be pissed and annoyed all day. Portland can be a breeding ground for competitive "art-fashion-music-dj" bullshit. I have never seen so much competition in any one city, ever in my life. Not even in fucking LA. I think the root at why I get annoyed, is because I feel like something that has been a part of my soul and something sacred to me for decades, becomes some badge of queer or punk coolness or worse, a trend. And then if that happens it looses it's validity. Not for me, but in the universe. Does that make sense? Probably not, I just don't like biters. Oye, anyway, I no longer want to care, so *poof*, I let it go. Something else "edgy" or "underground" will be the next thing come summer, so I will just ride this one out.



After breakfast, we went for a long walk in the 30 degree temps, holding to the promise we made to each other on Yule, "In 2011 we will walk daily, go to the gym twice a week, and eat more leafy greens!". 19 hours into the year, we have kept to the promise. Check in with me in two months......



I also decided that this year I am going to take photos everyday, of anything and everything that attracts my eye. I guess it's kind of a photo project I am challenging my self to do. Years ago, I would shoot every day, then I got depressed and put my cameras away. I'm not depressed anymore, so here go's nothing.


Hello 2011, it's nice to meet you.