Oh, you again....

Aunt flow arrived this morning. I woke up early and tested, negative. Went back to bed. Woke up to my period.

It's ok, I really just hate the waiting. So according to my chart, I should ovulate around Valentines weekend, so you can guess what we will be up too that week! ;)

Tomorrow is moving day, THANK GOD! I am sooooo sick of sleeping on the floor and washing in the sink. And now that I have my period, UM I NEED A SHOWER. Cory has been really amazing though, he moved the majority of the house into the garage so tonight, after we pick up the U Haul, he can just load it, and tomorrow morning we roll out!

So happy to get a new place...that we picked together, as a couple, with baby in mind. Time to exhale, and get back on the baby making train.

xoxo

2 days late

I took a test, negatory. So I will wait until Monday and test again. I'm not holding my breath though, having some weird cramps, moody, and weepy. Still could be signs of auntie flow gearing up to show her ugly face.

We picked up some things for the new apartment today, (I am so excited to move you have NO idea), and will be getting a delivery on moving day that will include our new sofa and headboard! We decided to combine our income and start planning for our family life. I know we are getting married at some point, so we are trying to get everything lined up for that, finance wise.















I enrolled in a debt consolidation program last year, and should be debt free next year. So amazing, I can't even deal.

Work has been really amazing, and last night, one of my clients was profiled on 20/20. It was pretty emotional watching her family talk to her in a horrible, un-loving way, to see her home and what life for her, outside of where she and I talk at a local queer drop in center, is like. I know her story and what her life is like, but to actually see it, was something else. I cried a lot and told Cory that I think I need to talk more often about how emotionally draining my job is. I think because I get into this head space where I am just a listener, I forget to let it out. I hear about so much abuse and pain on a daily basis, that I think I just get numb. I also think it might be time for me to start putting feelers out to see what it will take for me to do my job on a reservation. I know that is something I want to do very badly.

I am still in awe of the revolutionary action that is happening in Egypt right now, and am kind of in shock that not more folks are talking about it. This is major history happening, revolutionary history....perhaps it's just not that important to many Americans, how sad.


We move in 3 days, so psyched to be outta here.

Flu, Moving, and Babies

I suppose it's been a little bit since my last entry....I got the flu, like the worst flu I have had since I was a little kid. It was like the Exorcist in my bathroom for a couple days and I can safely say, that I have no desire to ever be sick again. That said, what else is new?

We are moving! Yay! It's not back to LA sadly, but we are moving closer to some friends here in Portland. The apartment is a very tacky 1970's style dingbat, like the kind I grew up in back in LA, but hey, I can work with that! New furniture, our art collection and anyplace can be livable! We did hit a few bumps along the way, that whole application drama is stressful, but I am pretty sure everything worked out. We still go back and forth with buying a house, it's really affordable right now for new home owners, but we just opted to move to a new apartment for now.


Kitchen, it's tiny but I have had much smaller! I also love the tacky green stove!


Living Room


Bathroom that will be '50s because well, look at it!


Guest Room


Master Bedroom

The bedroom is HUGE, as in my vanity, our bed AND our dresser will all fit comfortably! I don't think I have ever had a bedroom this big in my life! So psyched! Also, we will be close to one of my best friends, Caitlin. I love her and am psyched to be across the street from her so we can start our music project! We also will be close to some of our favorite places to eat, Oaks Bottom which is a nature reserve, and minutes from downtown. All this is very good news.



I also found out that I am pre-diabetic, so Cory and I have been going to the gym 4 days a week, and eliminated sugar from my diet. So the hope is that with these small changes, my A1C level will go back to normal and when I am pregnant, I won't develop Gestational Diabetes. I knew this was a possibility since Type 2 runs in my family, and this may have had something to do with my not getting pregnant right away. Speaking of that, we are on month 4, and honestly I don't think I am this month either. I decided to stop charting and obsessing. It was making me really depressed and making me feel like I'm broken, so we are just having sex when we want, and obviously I know when I am ovulating, so we for sure have sex around then as well. It's not even the 6 month mark, when most couples conceive, so I am trying to just relax and go on about life.





My friend Sandra was in town last week and we had a good time at this awesome pizza place in NE Portland. I horrified her with my new obsession of banana clips, like the kind people wore in the '80s! I never wore them, but am totally into them now! Sandra humored me and put her hair in one....then gagged and pulled it out!

Two in one week?!

I had such a good weekend, I decided to blog about it....sue me.

For starters, I took the time to hang out with my good friend Jodi Bon Jodi on Saturday afternoon. We hadn't hung out in a few months, so I drove over to her AMAZINGLY cute house in NE PDX and had a good old fashioned craft and gossip day. I taught her how to embroider and we discussed an AMAZING sewing project that I am chomping at the bit to start! She has inspired me to take up sewing. So my next big purchase will be a sewing machine....and then I will have to learn how to use it! I have grandiose plans to start making cool clothes for bigger ladies, we shall see how that goes through out the year.






I also decided that since I'm not pregnant still, why not color my hair? I have a job where I can do whatever I want with my hair, so my friend Caitlin shaved a huge chunk of hair off on the left side. I didn't want to have the current stereotypical asymmetrical hairdo, so I decided to channel my inner Cyndi Lauper and colored it turquoise with purple leopard spots. I also colored a chunk on the other side, mostly purple. I forgot how much I really love coloring my hair. I think the next round will be hot pink with purple spots!




I also have mended my relationship with my eldest nephew. I am not going to get into the details to our estrangement, but I will say this, I pretty much cried a gallon of happy tears today. I am so glad that he is healthy, happy, and back in my life.

Tonight Cory and I had homemade enchilada's, well my own spin that I call "Enchilada Pie". I made tortillas from scratch, cooked chicken breasts in enchilada sauce then shredded the chicken, layered a pan with tortillas, chicken, and cotija cheese. It was very tasty, and Cory threw together a red cabbage and corn relish. We bought a TON of fresh corn last summer, and I cut it all off the cob, then froze it. I can't even tell you how that turned into one of my more brilliant moments! We have used that frozen corn several times this winter and I think it will be something I do every summer!







I am not about to blog about the shootings, dead birds and fish...I already know we are living in crazy times, but I refuse to let the insanity ruin all the hard work I have done getting to where I am now. The world has always been crazy and might sadly continue to be so. I can't let it in, it's too overwhelming and draining. \\

Week one 2011, How ya doin?

I don't know about you, but 2011 has been an adventure for me in just one week. Let me show you........

The start of this week was Cory's 34th birthday. We woke up and went to Kaiser to have some blood work done that we had both been putting off. Since we had both taken the day off to celebrate his day of birth and planned to meet up with our friend Caitlin for brunch, why not start the day with fasting blood draws? Mine was all pre-pregnancy crap to see where my levels are at before I get knocked up, and his were for his annual physical. A little stick and poke then off for brunch at Genies.




After a delicious brunch, we looked at an apartment in Caitlin's building. She has been trying to convince us to move in to her building for months. Her landlord showed us a two bedroom with the BIGGEST master bedroom I have ever seen in a dingbat style apartment building ever. With that, we have decided to move in. We will be moving next month, once we get our tax returns. The apartment is over in the the Sellwood area off Milwaukee and Holgate. For those of you that are not locals, our new digs are within walking distance of an awesome cheap seats theater, these are old time movie houses that show first run films for around $3.00 and sell amazing local pizza and beer. Also nearby is an awesome nature reserve called Oaks Bottom, one of my favorite places to eat, "Fat Albert's" and this old school funky little amusement park here called "Oaks Park". I am so flippin excited! The apartment might be smaller than what we have now, but location trumps everything. We have lived in the deep, deep South East long enough. I am also very excited to be living next too one of my favorite friends, Caitlin. She rules massively, and plays the drums better than anyone I know.

Later that day we got our test results and I got some unfortunate news.....My A1C level is elevated. What is an A1C level you ask? It's the way you measure your blood sugar, and mine is high enough to make me "Pre-Diabetic". Pre-Diabetes is kind of a "gray" area between normal and Type 2 Diabetes. My dad had Type 2 and my sister was also pre-diabetic, not to mention the fact I'm native and chubz.

I spoke with my doctor and she told me not to worry too much and all that I need to do is make some dietary changes and lifestyle adjustments. Cut out the sugar, combine protein with carbs, and exercise more.
*sigh*

Ever since the funding from my last job was cut and I moved over to the group home, my activity level has dropped to almost zero. Yeah, sloth life settled in for the last 3 months, and oops.

So the rest of my week, and for weeks to come, will look something like this...

Wakey wakey


Breakfast is now bran cereal with rice milk, whole wheat toast with vegan "butter", cup of coffee with xylitol and soy milk. Not too bad, some days I had fruit instead of the piece of toast.



And we have boned up on our leafy greens.



We also have been working out daily after work. On non-gym days we just go for a 30 to 40 minute walk around the hood. It's not been too difficult of a change really. Prior to mine and Cory's union, I ate pretty well and was a bit more active. I have always been a thick lady, and actually prefer the way I look when I'm thicker. Lately I feel awkward, my clothes don't fit right, and I just feel blah. This new discovery could also be the reason behind us not getting pregnant right away. So this coming week I have to have a full day of fasting blood tests, drinking sickly sweet drinks then having more blood drawn to find out if I have Type 2 Diabetes or not. My doc thinks that with the subtle changes, I should be fine and my A1C levels will drop. But this is not just a "Hey I need to get my blood sugar down" thing, this is a "Holy shit, I can die if I don't do something" thing. I'm excited to be working out again, and while I will miss chocolate, I will be happier to feel comfortable in my skin again.

This week at work, I had the best time with one of my clients grocery sopping, yes I said shopping for groceries. We went to WinCo, and I LOVE that place. It's a huge warehouse of food, employee owned, offers deep discounts because the store is not about flash. It's box's of produce are piled high, pallets of dry goods up and down mile long aisles, and the most AMAZING bulk bins I have ever seen. A lot of people talk shit about WinCo, but I'm not sure they ever gave the place a chance. You know why poor folk shop at places like this? Because they are willing to bag their own groceries for a discount. I dig bagging my own food, getting amazing deals on bulk items and grinding my own almond butter!





To wrap up my week, my bf Caitlin came over for a hair cut that turned into her cutting my hair as well. I am growing out my hair, have been for over a year and the goal is to have it almost to my butt. Right now it's just past my shoulders and feels like it's a big brown mess on my head. Caitlin asked if she could take the clippers to my head....and I let her. Now before you get wound up, I only took off a small section on the left side...I like to call it my homage' to Cyndi Lauper! This weekend I plan on bleaching out a section and coloring it some crazy pink-purple-turquoise mess. Needed to shake things up, and since I'm not pregnant right now, why the hell not?


J-Mo

C-Love

So 2011, it's been a busy, exciting, and eye opening year so far.

Cycle 4, Rinse, Repeat

Aunt Flo arrived...I kinda knew she was, and I suppose it's ok. I'm trying to heed my own advice and just breathe. This will happen when it is supposed too....and honestly I am hoping we conceive this month above all others because our kid would be born in October....I know, what a dork.


Today I took Cory out to dinner at the Doug Fir for his bday, technically his birthday is Monday, but we went out tonight. I had a buffalo burger, amazingly delicious, and then I secretly took him to Pix Patisserie because he has never been and loves chocolate. It was amazing, we walked into Pix and Tom Waits was playing, his favorite. I couldn't have timed it better! He looked so effing cute smiling and eating fancy dessert with his huge grin and dimples that I just want to curl up in and go to sleep in.




Today's walk I focused on the things we throw away and why we do so. I want to try and throw away less of myself this year.







I'm looking at you too

010111

It's 2011, wow....if you know me personally, and have known me for a while, you will know that I have never been as happy as I am right now, as far as my adult life. I have had good partners, bad ones, and horrid ones. But Cory, well he is like no other. The top photo was last night, our third new years eve together. The one below that was last year, our first as a couple. The very first time we spent New Years together, we were just best friends. I was living with my friend Sandra, just freshly separated from my ex, raw, and depressed. Cory had broken up with his ex, but was still living in her home in the guest room because he was waiting to move to his friend Randy's place. It was a pretty weird time for both of us to say the least. I picked him up and we went to a trashy little bar down the road from his place. After being there for all of 10 minutes, they closed. It was also the last night you could smoke in any bars in Oregon, we were hellbent on smoking our brains out in public, so we drove to this other place where we liked to play pool in NE Portland. After hanging out there for a few hours and a couple games of pool we hoped back into my car. We rung in 2009 driving in my car back to his house. It was not the most epic night, but I was glad we were hanging out because he was my best friend and wasn't putting pressure on me to pretend that I was happy like a lot of other friends were. After I dropped him off I went and picked up my ex and a few friends who were to drunk to drive, I had offered to do so since I knew I was going to be sober. Unfortunately when I arrived, my ex was pissed that I wasn't there by midnight to ring in 2009 with all of them....it kinda sucked. Soooo you don't want to be my partner anymore, but you want me to be where you are when midnight hits even though you know I had plans already? Such was my break up....

Last NYE was obviously better on the romance tip, but sadly it was also right after my father had died. I can not tell you how much better it was by the shear fact that I was with Cory. I was still emotionally screwed up by my divorce, and then devastated by loosing my dad. Cory didn't miss a beat though. He knew that I had no interest in going out, being with a bunch of drunk folks in a crowded club or bar, nor did I really want to fake anything. We just hung out listening to music, talking, playing Yahtzee, and of course chain smoking out in the freezing cold because we were both still smokers. Gross as it sounds, it was the best night ever. That photo makes me smile when I see it, because I remember how calm I felt in his arms. I think we said we were going to quit smoking that night, but didn't really until a month or so later.

This NYE we intended on going to the NARA pow wow that I usually attend...but since I was so damn tired, I napped through it, whoops. My body is still adjusting to my new work schedule and waking up at 5am. So no fry bread for me until June when we go to the Father's Day pow wow at Delta Park! We still are waiting on our new sofa, so we spend most of our lounging time in our way-to-comfy bed. We watched a few episodes of CSI Vegas, I worked on some craft projects, he worked on recording music that he is making and a mix cd for our friend Molly in LA, and we talked. We do that a lot. Talk. Something I have not done with a partner in along time. Cory is a bigger talker than me which I find hard to believe sometimes! We talked about baby stuff, buying a house, vacation to LA and what we want to achieve in 2011. It was nice and boring and drama/stress free. I find that that is something I make happen a lot more in my life, it's nice.






This morning we woke up and I made us Nutella and banana pancakes, some veggie sausage, and a pickle....sounds sick, but oh so tasty. While drinking my coffee I thought more about what I wanted out of 2011, peoples recent obsession with "manifesting", witchcraft, and also my anger. I really don't want to be angry anymore. I mean that I don't want to read things or hear crap and get annoyed anymore. I don't want to be cynical about people I honestly don't care about, nor do I want to feel that twinge of annoyance that I used to feel when people would pretend that they had always been punks when they just heard Crass for the first time. I kind of want to let go of all that, I mean for Christ sake I am 39, why do I sometimes let things like that piss me off? Why do I care that being a "Witch" is uber cool now, like how a few years back, rocking feathers in your hair was a "trend"? If people want to jump on a band wagon to hipster-ville, fine. It is not my place anymore to call out poseurs. I gave that up in the '80s, and honestly if I kept letting it get to me, I would be pissed and annoyed all day. Portland can be a breeding ground for competitive "art-fashion-music-dj" bullshit. I have never seen so much competition in any one city, ever in my life. Not even in fucking LA. I think the root at why I get annoyed, is because I feel like something that has been a part of my soul and something sacred to me for decades, becomes some badge of queer or punk coolness or worse, a trend. And then if that happens it looses it's validity. Not for me, but in the universe. Does that make sense? Probably not, I just don't like biters. Oye, anyway, I no longer want to care, so *poof*, I let it go. Something else "edgy" or "underground" will be the next thing come summer, so I will just ride this one out.



After breakfast, we went for a long walk in the 30 degree temps, holding to the promise we made to each other on Yule, "In 2011 we will walk daily, go to the gym twice a week, and eat more leafy greens!". 19 hours into the year, we have kept to the promise. Check in with me in two months......



I also decided that this year I am going to take photos everyday, of anything and everything that attracts my eye. I guess it's kind of a photo project I am challenging my self to do. Years ago, I would shoot every day, then I got depressed and put my cameras away. I'm not depressed anymore, so here go's nothing.


Hello 2011, it's nice to meet you.