Patience is not something I have had much of since Cory and I started working towards a third member of our family. For the second time, I have tested early, and gotten that annoying result, NP. When will I learn to wait? I feel like part of me thinks I might stop having period symptoms if I take a pregnancy test 6 days before I am supposed to start my cycle again.
This has been a very challenging 2 months....for my patience, my ability to understand my body, to trust that we will conceive when we are supposed too, and that I am not barren. I know it is silly to feel defeated when I don't even know yet, I am supposed to start my period around the 4th of December, so why I am being so weird?
I have felt crampy off and on all month. I sort of feel in my gut that I'm not pregnant yet.....although I felt in my gut that I was a couple weeks back. As soon as I start to cramp I think, damn-it. I never thought in a million years, that getting pregnant would be so hard, and emotionally draining.
I know that we will probably have to keep trying for at least 6 months. I suppose I just hoped that Cory and I would get pregnant on the first try. I am not feeling defeated at all, just annoyed. I want to share this with everyone, but we have to get there first, then wait until I get out of my first trimester to tell everyone. Oye....so much work, but I am ok with it. I can't wait to make our family a full circle.
Cory and I are not married, but I have a feeling that we will be someday. I know he worries about me and my emotions. He is afraid that my not getting pregnant as fast as we wanted, might break my spirit. He knows how much being a family means to me.....but I assure him I will not let this push me into depression. I have faith that we will get pregnant, with a healthy baby soon. THAT, I do feel in my gut. I just need to be patient.
So for now I will keep on humming Gun's & Roses "Patience".....
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