They're all going to laugh at you: Year in Review, Kinda....

I suppose it is the thing to do when you "blog", you know, write a wrap up of the outgoing year. I realize that this year I pretty much FAILED at blogging, but it's ok, I had a ton of stuff going on, and I am not a very good inter-nerder these days. But I will recap on the last few months and give a gentle nod to my hopes for 2012...

As 2011 was the year of "TTC" (Trying to Conceive), I spent the majority of the year tracking cycles, learning all about infertility and endometriosis. I knew I had endo, but thought after my first cyst removal, I had been cured. Turns out I'm not....We found out in October I think, that it had come back and I had another pretty large mass on my right ovary. I had surgery again on December 22 and found out that not only did I have another endometrioma, but there is scar tissue on my bladder and bowel. My surgeon was unable to remove the cyst, and only drained it. So we are not sure what this will do. Cory and I are going to continue TTC-ing for a few more months, then I might have to have a full hysterectomy.

I have been trying very hard to come to terms with what is happening to my body, but honestly am unsure how to be "ok" with it. I feel cheated and angry, but I know at some point I will be ok. I do have the best partner ON EARTH, and that is what matters. If being a mom is not a part of my path, I will have to be ok with that....I'm not sure how, but I'm a pretty tough lady when I need to be.

That said, last month Cory and I DID become Foster Parents to a beautiful little girl named Chekota. She and I are both from the same tribe, (Well we are both multi-tribal but we have one common tribal affiliation), and she oddly looks like she could be my child. She is 8 months old and the most fun I have ever known. She is permanently placed with us until mom get's her life together, or the state decides otherwise. The baby has been in Foster Care since July of 2011 due to neglect and abuse, and was VERY VERY ill when she arrived in Oregon. After being in medical FC (Foster Care) for several months, she was placed with us because I'm Native. Sadly, Cory and I are the ONLY available Native family in Portland. I know, how is that possible....without getting into specifics, birth family is very unstable, and has since gone back to Oklahoma to try and "figure things out". I am all for family reunification, I usually am working on the other end of situations like this in my professional life, but in this case, I honestly feel like she is better off with us.

I have to go to court this month to meet the family judge and testify on how Chekota is doing. We are going to petition to adopt her if/when the time comes, but there is still a good chance mom will get sober and figure out what it means to be a mom, or other family will pop up.....a lot could happen in the next 6 months.

This has been a very emotionally draining process, and if we loose Chekota, I am not sure if I can handle it again. I don't think Cory could either. We have fallen head over heels in love with this magical little girl and will be crushed if we loose her.

We also have a whole new understanding on how hard being a parent is, and also how fucking amazing it is. *sigh*

We have had several colds, watched her get 8 teeth, dealt with many diaper blow outs, giggles, drooling on everything, sleepless nights and the heart breaking sounds of an over tired baby. I wouldn't trade this time for anything, no matter how much this has tested my heart, mind, marriage, and ability to multi-task. I also have been teaching her Tsalagi so she knows our language.

So yeah, my lack of blogging is because I've been busy being a mommy and having surgery.

My hopes for 2012 are simple and few.......

1. Conceive, carry, deliver and raise one healthy child.
2. Give back to my husband, 10-fold, what he has given me in the last 3 months.
3. Keep Chekota forever.

4. Get healthy again.

I could go on, but that is my Top 4.......I also am hellbent on blogging more this year....feels like so much is happening and I should be documenting it all. We have been taking photos like crazy, go figure with both of us being photographers, but here is a wee "Best Of December" for you dear readers. Yes, she truly is this cute...

Chekota, Auntie Dana and Uncle Ryan