Holy Shit...it's been 3 months?????

I am a bad, BAD blogger....I can not believe I let 3 months go by with out a peep! I think I will do a readers digest summary, then let the photos speak for themselves. I promise to stay more on top of this....no really.



I began a new job, my dream job really, at The Native American Youth & Family Center here in Portland. I was hired as a Gang Prevention Advocate where I was pretty much being a positive role model for kids on the verge of becoming gang entrenched, then I was moved over to being a Case Manager with homeless kids because well, it's what I do best....work with homeless kids. Right now it is a challenge because I am having to be at other agencies to help them out, even though when our advocates needed help, none of them came to NAYA, but I digress. I know this is temporary, and at least I get to be involved in my community more. And come September, I can be back in my regular office. That makes it all worth it.

This summer Cory and I were married, went to LA on our honeymoon, bought a NEW CAR because the Lezbaru died, (yes this is huge because I have never had a new car, ever), started doing yoga again, revamped my diet, we were invited to attend sundance next year, I was asked to help build a sweat lodge, I turned 40-fucking-years-old, I started beading again like crazy, have been blessed over and over again, and even though I am still not pregnant, I'm still optimistic.

My bff from LA is coming up in December with her boyfriend and I am beyond excited. Cory and I are making plans for Jennifer and Ivan's visit and saving money like crazy so we can show them a really nice time here. Maybe after she visits, she will fall in LOVE with the NW and move here, ha!

I feel like so much more has happened, but I think I will just let the photos show you of life around here these days!

xoxo

Oh hai, I'm 40 now!






Oh hai, we got married!






Then we honey mooned in California, our car died, then we bought a new one!














Random images of our home, 4th of July with Caitlin & Andrea, and bead work....

New Job, TTC, Planning Wedding and Honeymoon......anything else?

I feel like time just keeps slipping away....20 days since my last post, and here I am wondering once again if I am preggers or if that bitch Auntie Flo is coming. This time though, I am also waiting for my wedding dress to be shipped, our wedding rings to arrive, FIND SHOES to ware on my wedding day, plan our route to LA and the things we will do this year, aside from Disneyland, figure out my new job and learn as much as possible about the tribes of the NW.

I found the place where I am supposed to be, and it feels good. Really good....but it is also a bit scary. Being a native woman who was not raised in a traditional way, and was sometimes asked to not to ask too many questions in regards to our history because it was too painful for my mother made for a very uneducated lady, same with my father who was Chippewa. I am learning that historical pain is a real thing and not just something my mother, father, and sister experienced. I can't imagine the way my mother felt growing up thinking she had killed her mother, feeling un-wanted and un-loved by her father, my sister feeling different than the kids she grew up with because of the shape of her eyes and color of her skin. I grew up in a different time and in a mostly Mexican community. So having brown skin, almond shaped eyes and dark hair were far more the "norm" for me. I do however, understand the empty feeling she had when it came to tradition, family, community, culture, and pride. We come from strong people, that barely survived war and then later, assimilation. On my mothers side,I come from Euchee and Cherokee people. A contradiction....the Cherokees pretty much beat the hell out of the Euchee, and then what was left of them, joined other tribes like the Absentee Shawnee, Muscogee Creek Nation, and Cherokee Nation.



What I know of my culture, I learned from reading books and a little from my mom, not from my elders like most native people do. I have no elders. They all died waaaaaaay before I was born. So now, at the ripe age of 39, I find myself more comfortable asking questions about my people and our ways. What proper etiquette is, and navigating those waters is not easy. Some tribes don't make eye contact, some don't shake hands, while others do. I will make mistakes, and offend others while not intending too, it's all a learning process. Albeit late, at least it is happening. I feel grateful for the chance to finally be connected, and close to my mother and father, and also to be filling that empty space. I'm already slated to chaperone prom at the academy, help sew the honoring chords for the graduates, assist with summer camps, and whatever else I am asked. It feels good to be giving back to my community, I feel like I've come home.

Por Vida

For three years he's been my best friend, for two years he's been the love of my life, and now forever, he will be my hubz.



Cory and I are getting married.

End of May, in Laurelhurst Park, by our friend Jess. Kind of stoked, excited, and happier than I have ever been.....here are our rings and my dress. Both found on Etsy. Gotta love custom shotgun weddings!

xoxo

False Posi-Chemical Pregz

My period came today. A few days late, and after one positive test. So I guess I had either a chemical pregnancy, or a false positive.

I'm ok though. I now know what I might feel like when I know it's real, and Cory and I both felt closer than ever before when we thought it was positive. Even if it was only 24 hours, I'm even more motivated. How ironic.

Now I get to use my CBE Fertility machine! The geek in me is excited.

Squinters & Spotting

I just realized the other day that I have not updated in over a month, way to go dummy. I guess life has gotten busier, job interviews, baby making, etc....all very consuming. So on with the news:

I got a new job! I will be working at The NAYA, Native American Youth and Family Center as a Gang Intervention Coordinator. I am very excited and proud to be joining The NAYA family!

I also might have tested positive for pregnancy yesterday...I got what folks on trying to conceive message boards call a "Squinter"....it's a faint positive line. Then I woke up this morning spotting......so I might be pregnant, or I might have had a "Chemical Pregnancy".

I'm trying to just not think about it. If my period doesn't show up tonight, I'm testing again tomorrow morning.....